PTSD- People That Share Despair
by 20davisa
Summary: Alana Lee has been watching her family fade away for her entire life. When her last family member leaves her in the care of a certain army vet at San Antonio Hospital will her life turn around? Will she finally be able to trust again, or is she broken beyond repair?
1. Beginning

" _Why don't you trust anyone?" He looked me straight in the eye, holding me in place stronger than any person ever had. I looked back into the eyes that protected me and promised me that nothing would ever hurt me. I looked into his eyes and felt a small piece of my wall break. The wall that kept me safe, the wall that kept me from hurt, the wall that I thought was unbreakable. I closed my eyes in a last attempt to hold the wall up before it all crumbled. I knew I lost my battle when I felt a single tear fall down my clammy face._

" _Because everyone I have ever trusted has broke me, and I don't think I can be broken anymore before I am completely demolished."_


	2. Prologue

PTSD, aka post-traumatic stress disorder.

Most families have very mundane family businesses. Mechanic, doctor, lawyer, teacher, artist, shop clerk, and the list goes on. For most families the family business is one that is not very life threatening, it's one that doesn't leave scars both visible and not. It's one that doesn't ship home the workers in pitiful wooden boxes, some lucky enough to be fully intact. The worker, not the box. My family was not one of those. Our business was one of blood, death and war. The men were told that they had to fight, the woman that they had to heal. Never before had a Lee avoided the business, and never would one.

I had watched my family put on the prideful uniform and parade out our old red door, ready to become a true Lee. I had watched as some came back broken by the memories, broken by the guns, or in that wooden box. I had watched as my family went crazy trying to live up to this unbelievable title that they so desperately clung to. They didn't care about helping people anymore, they only cared about making themselves look the best. Soon, I was the only one left that wasn't broken one way or another, but oh did that change quickly.

The first time I realized that I was not going to be living the mundane life of another was when my eldest brother, Charlie was shipped home. The only thing that was left of him was a pile of ashes and his dog tags. I was so young that I didn't understand what happened, but when my mother sat me down and gave me the first dog tags I would have, I realized that he wouldn't be coming back.

From that day forward I never took off the tags, instead I slowly added to them as the collection of dead relatives grew.


	3. Chapter 1

"Alana, come on, it's time to go!" my father yelled to me as I hurried to pull on my over sized sweatshirt, ripped jeans, and black worn out chucks. I all but sprinted down the stairs, not bothering to put my untamable brunet mane of death up as I knew it would be more struggle than was worth it. When I got down there I felt my father grab my shoulder and shove me a bit towards the car, urging me to move faster. I did as he requested and heaved my tired body up into the body of the truck he owned.

Last night was a bad one. Again. His nightmares were getting worse, and they have started to carry over into his conscious moments. He would be yelling out for hours, and when I finally did try to wake him, he would smack his hand out, thinking I was some unknown enemy that was there to hurt him. I tried to dodge them, but one or two hits always slipped through and I was able to get a good amount of bruises on my arms and torso. I was tall enough that it was very rare for them to reach my face.

When he did finally wake up he had no remembrance of the nightmare or the new bruises that lines my body. I let him go on thinking that I am a clumsy kid who can't help but hug the floor and fight the furniture every chance I get.

When we pulled up to San Antonio hospital I wasn't surprised, or even dreading the upcoming visit. This had just become a chore for me. I no longer thought about my three older brothers who had all been enlisted for afghanistan and had turned up either dead or MIA, or my mother who was killed when I was ten, or the countless other cousins, aunts and uncles that I had lost to the family business. I just thought about how I would deal with my father's illness later that night, how this next meeting might affect him, and what I could do to stop that as much as possible.

When we walked through those doors I stated to re-enforce my wall that had protected me from pain for as long as I can remember. I had started building it the very first moment that I had put on Charlie's old tags. I built it up as high as I could, trying to make sure that I would never feel the pain that I apparently was destined to have to deal with. That was something that i had never been prepared for. People talk about how much death can change a person, but what they don't tell you is that death doesn't affect you, it effects everyone else around you. That was something that I refused to bow down to. I was not going to be effected. In my mind, the second they put on that stupid, overrated uniform they had signed their notice of death, whether that be months from that date or years, they were going to die. We all were.

The hospital itself didn't seem to be to busy, but I knew that wouldn't last long. I knew that the second someone pointed how quiet it really was a ten car pile up with a gas pipe burst would hit this small little place. My father seemed to know where he was going as he sauntered up to the nurses desk, leaning over the top of it to talk to the small woman sitting there. She had dark skin and was more on the lines of the chubby side, with a short brown and red bob. One look at her and I immediately knew that she was not someone you messed with. Ever.

I shrugged a bit before sneaking in behind my father. Turned out that was in vain as he turned right around and started walking deeper into the hospital, not taking a second to see if I was following him. That was the thing about him, he scouted every nook and cranny of a place as he was taught, but somehow he still managed to overlook me. This actually didn't bother me at all as I liked not being noticed, it gave me a chance to learn things that most did not, like how each person has a tick when they lie. It could be anything from not looking you in the eyes to pressing their middle finger and thumb together. My father's was a twitch in his right pointer finger.

I followed my father through the maze of a hospital until we reached what I assumed to be his final destination. There were about three doctors all talking over a chart most likely from a patient. Two of them were male and from their haircuts and posture I would assume army, most likely doctor as they were here in a hospital working. The other one was a girl with much softer features and long brown hair that was currently pushed over her shoulder, creating a wall in between her and one of the guys. It was clear to see that was intentional, they seemed to have a lot of tension that was never worked through and the other poor guy was stuck having to work with both of them.

My father obviously did not read the busy vibes they were shooting off as he walked right up to them and slapped the guys on the shoulders, causing them to look up at him. Both of their faces broke out into huge grins and they started to man hug each other which was basically seeing how hard they can slap each other on the back before they had to pull away. One particularly hard slap left my wincing in second hand pain as I walked up to them, staying off to the side so as not to be in the way.

"Johnny longstocks, how you doing man?" I cracked a small smile at my father's nickname, knowing that he must despise it.

"Oh come on T you know that I'm over that." The man who I assume to be T laughed. He had a kind smile that instantly made me like him. It had been a while since I had seen someone who served be genuinely happy about something.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were enjoying some time off." He slapped my father on his shoulder again, this time keeping his hand there as he awaited a response.

"Well I did enjoy my time off, but sadly that has come to an end now and I needed to find someplace for Alana to go. I was supposed to stay home until her brother came back, but that obviously didn't happen." I watched as my father's finger twitched. He wasn't sad about it, he got to go back and see his family, the ones that were always there for him. I sighed, rolling my shoulders a bit to push back my emotion. I had no idea he was leaving again, and I knew that this time he wouldn't come back. He didn't really want to, so why would he?

"John, you're leaving again?" The other man took a step forward, not sure how to react to his friends news. My father just smiled and shook his head as if in disbelief.

"Yeah crazy right? I'm supposed to leave in a couple days, but I don't know what's going to happen to Alana." I watched as the three doctors all exchanged glances, not quite sure what they were supposed to do in this situation. Yes they were friends, but how far does that friendship go? And did they really have the capacity to deal with a teenage girl while working the night shift?

"Sir, I know you don't know me, and I don't know you, but is it really the smartest decision to leave a teenage girl with people who are gone each night from the moment the sun starts to set to the moment it rises?" The woman spoke this time, carefully as if not to overstep boundaries. I appreciated what she was doing, but I knew it would get her no where as his mind was already set.

"Look here little lady I don't know who you think you are but this has nothing to do with you so why don't you run along and go fix someone like you're supposed to." I cringed at this, not wanting to admit that I was related to this asshole. Both of the men stepped up a bit, ready to help her if need be. It was clear that no matter if they were friends with this guys or not, they wouldn't hesitate to handle him if he continued to be a problem.

"No, you look here, you came in here all ready to ditch your kid on us and now you're telling me how to do my job? We are trying to help your sorry ass so don't you dare think for one second that I will just let you walk all over me." Both of the men stepped back a bit at this as she got all up in his face, making sure that he is very aware that she is serious and wouldn't take any of his shit. I looked around a little, hoping that they hadn't drawn a crowd, but alas my hopes dispersed as I realized that most of the nurses and doctors were crowded around the corner, trying to catch a look at the latest drama. I crept a little farther away from him, hoping that the wall would just swallow me whole. Luckily my father seemed to get the memo that the woman wasn't going to take his shit and backed down some.

"Okay, okay how about we all calm down a bit, good, good." The T guy stepped in between them, putting a hand in front of each other them while still smiling. "How about we just figure out where this kid is going to go, okay? Okay, good."

He smiled at both of them before stepping back and starting to walk towards what I assumed to be a empty room for them to talk. I figured it would be smart for me to follow them so I started to walk behind my father, watching as my shoes stepped along the tiled floor.

"Where is the kid anyways, asleep?" The other guy turned around to face my father while walking, slightly raising one brow. My father started at him for a second before whipping around, arm swinging around wildly not aware that I was standing right behind him. It was moments like these that I was so thankful for his nightmares as my reflexes saved my life, yet again. I ducked down just in time for his arm to pass over my head, shifting my hair a nit as it did. I heard a couple gasps as the doctors realized I was there, and that I almost had my head removed from my body. I calmly stood up from my crouched position and looked at my father with a blank face.

"Damn kid, you've got some reflexes on you." One of the nurses that had stopped to watch commented, walking past me with an impressed look on his face. I smirked a little before turning back to the party I was following. They were all staring at me impressed, except my father who had a disinterested look on his face. I'm sure he didn't realize that most fifteen year old girls weren't able to move that quickly.

"Well that answers that question. Where the hell did you learn to do that?" The guy that asked the original question looked at me, shocked. He had a slight gleam in his eyes showing that my skills interested him and made him want to know where I obtained them. I just shrugged in response, not quite sure what to tell him. He let it drop luckily and we all continued into what I assumed to be the break room as there was a couch, pool table and small kitchenette inside.

"We can talk in here with less interruptions." T-guy said, holding the door open for us. I walked in last and saw that my father was already positioned on the edge of a chair with question guy across from him. I leaned up against a wall behind the empty chair that was quickly filled with T-guy. He turned around and gave me a smile before facing the others and started to talk. I blocked them out as I knew that they would just be discussing how long he would be away, where he would be stationed, what I would need, ect. None of this mattered to me as I knew that he wouldn't be coming back, and that whoever got stuck with me would have to figure out what to do should, _when_ he doesn't return. So instead of listening to that conversation I slide down the wall while pulling out my phone, plugging in some headphones, and let All Time Low's beautiful symphony lull me into a dream of the perfect life.

 **Author's Note: So I recently got into this show when my friend showed it to me. I instantly fell in love with it and jumped into the deep end of the Fandom. I started looking for FanFiction only to discover that there wasn't very many out there, so with some encouragement from my friend I decided to write some. So far I am only in the middle of season two, so I am going to try to keep this pretty general and not follow any specific episodes. I am super excited about this and I hope you guys love it as much as I do. If you do love it please review and let me know! Constructive criticism, compliments or just a simple 'hey' is more than welcome!**

 **Davey_Hale**


	4. Chapter 2

When I was woken up I ripped out my headphones, expecting to have to go wake up my dad yet again, but instead I was greeted by a soft smile, this time on the face of question guy. I sat up a bit, rubbing my eyes before looking him in the eye, slightly confused as to why it was him waking me, and as to why he was now wearing street clothes. He just patted my shoulder before standing up, holding out a hand to help me up. I took it, heavy myself up before pulling away and putting a hand to my neck, rolling my shoulders to get the now developing crook out of it.

When I opened my eyes again I saw that we were the only ones left in the room. It didn't shock me that my father left without me, but I had hoped that the other two would have noticed me. The guy must have noticed the look on my face as he quickly assured me that they didn't leave, just went out to talk to some other doctors.

"I told them that I would wake you and then we would meet up with them." I nodded at this and followed him out of the room and back out into the hallway. It seemed that their shift had just ended and I figured that it must have been around seven in the morning.

"You don't talk much do you?" He looked back at me with a slight laugh, trying to make it seem like it was okay that I didn't talk. I just shrugged my shoulders a bit, clearing my throat before I responded.

"What's the point of talking if there's no one there to listen?" I quirked my brow at him, hoping that would satisfy him. He just looked thoughtfully down at me, tilting his head to the side a bit as if that would make him be able to see my side better.

"I guess that's fair. You and your dad aren't close?" I know he meant this as a harmless question, but any thing with both my father and I in it was anything but harmless.

"Do you think I would be here right now if we were?" I snapped at him, trying to end the conversation there before I did a lot more than snap at him.

He opened the outer door for me, letting me duck under his arm and head over to where my father, T-guy and a couple others were conversing. They all were laughing at something, standing in a tight circle. I quietly snuck over to lean against the wall behind them so as not to get in the way or be noticed. Sadly question guy did notice me and motioned me over to the group. I threw my head back, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath before pushing of the wall and walking over to them, standing just outside the group. Question guy gently placed his hand on my shoulder before announcing our presence.

"Sleeping beauty here finally awoke." They smiled at this, stepping back a bit so I could fit in the circle without being on top of anyone.  
"What, did you kiss her Drew?" One of the guys in the back joked, making me feel even more uncomfortable if possible. I tensed slightly and I felt question guy, Drew, do the same.

"Nah, the loving antiseptic smell was obviously her true love as it was her only kiss." He joked, trying to brush off the comment. I shrugged his hand off, crossing my arms and looked down at my shoes. I scuffed the hot pavement with the side of my shoe, moving the rocks around. The others all continued the conversation, talking about some old war stories most likely. It surprised me when Drew nudged my shoulder, making me look up at him.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you have no idea who we are." I nodded slightly, and he smiled down at me. "Okay, well let's change that huh?" He started to point to each other the people in the group.

"That guy there, he's TC. Patched up your dad plenty of times." T-Guy turned at the sound of his name, giving me a little wave. "The guy next to him is Topher, he worked with TC." He was talking, using his hands to show an explosion while making the sound effects. "Okay, then on the other side of him is Jordan, she and TC have a thing going, no one really knows what it is." She was laughing, shoving TC in the shoulder as he said something. "And I'm Drew, also worked with your dad a bit. I am also apparently going to be the guy who watched you, if that's okay?" He looked me straight in the eye, making sure that I knew that this was a choice, not a demand. I nodded, trying to remember all of their names.

"Hey, you know you can talk, people are here to listen, _I'm_ here to listen." He bent down a bit, so he was really my eye level as if that would help me feel more reassured.

"You don't have to treat me like such a child, I can take care of myself and I know I can talk." I turned back to watch the group, and as a last minute added "But yes, staying with you would be completely fine, thank you." He seemed slightly pleased with my verbal response and turned back to the group, not letting my outburst shock him at all. I knew from that moment that this guy wouldn't just let me fade into the background like I was used to. I knew that he would make me be present and feel included like I never had before. I just wasn't sure if I was wanted that.


End file.
